Henry Rollins- Day 1

My name is Henry Rollins I have been a police officer all my life. 56 years old and the force is already trying to get me to retire. Take that pension Henry they say go, live your life, spend time with your family. The thing is they don't get it. Being a cop is all I have. Sure I used to have more, but I lost it. When I was younger I had a wife Brenda she was my everything. I met her in high school, she was my first and only love. We got married we bought a nice little house on juniper street things were wonderful. I had just started working on the force then, I was a rookie but I enjoyed every second of it. Those days seem so far away now, most of the memories are fuzzy, there is one I remember as if it was yesterday. It was January 5th 1984, I was staying late at the station writing up a report on a recent cocaine bust that had happened earlier in the day. That is when the phone rang I picked up and Brenda was on the other end. She had news she was pregnant. I was ecstatic, I was gonna be a dad. Two months later we found we were having twins, naturally this was fantastic news. The nine months passed so quickly when I look back on them, it wasn't long until I was holding my twin boys in the hospital with the biggest grin on my face. We named them Samuel and Thomas, one after my father the other after Brenda's late brother. Those times were the best in my life I had a family two boys who I loved and a wife that was everything to me. The years flew by, I still remember small pieces, birthdays, Christmas, afternoons in the park with the boys. Sadly all the good memories seemed to be offset by the bad. I had been promoted to detective and was working more hours than ever before. Brenda and me used to fight about it, she said I was working to much and that I should spend more time with the boys. I tried my best but we needed the money and I did what I had to do. It was September 23 1999, I was working late again. I knew that Brenda would not be happy when I got home but a new lead had just shown up and I had to make sure my ducks were in a row for tomorrow. Again the phone rang, I picked it up. On the other line was an unfamiliar voice, It was a doctor notifying me that my wife had been killed in a car accident, she had been going to pick up some ice cream from the store. My life fell apart at that moment, the one person who made me see the good in the world was gone. I wish I could say that I was there for the boys but I wasn't I just threw myself into my work even more. Naturally the boys took the lost of their mother hard, especially Samuel his grades declined and he fell in with a bad crowd. I wish I could go back and be a better dad. I wish I could go back and tell my wife to stay home that night but I cant. Someone comes up to me and tells me that I have five minutes. Five minutes seems like an eternity. Working so hard all the time took its toll on the boys especially after there mother died. December 14 2004 I get another call this time its my boy Samuel he took his own life with prescription meds. His brother was the one to find him. Samuel blamed me said that he was sorry but he couldn't live with the pain anymore. It hit me like a brick and the I did the only thing I could do to cope and that was to work even harder. My other son Thomas, despite all he had been through found his place as an artist and moved from our home in Chicago out to Seattle.I tried to keep in touch but eventually he just stopped writing. Hes married now..I think he even has a few kids, I guess that makes me a grandpa. They tell me my time is up now. I enter the room full of people applauding and yet I hardly know anyone here they are all strangers to me. I make my way to the podium the banner behind me that states in big white bold letters congratulations Henry almost seems to mock me. I give my speech, say words that I don't really mean about the force, about how serving has been everything to me. My replacement hands me a gold watch and shakes my hand. I realize in this moment that the only thing that I have now is this cheap watch a lifetime of regrets. I don't stay for the rest of the speakers instead I just leave out the doors I came in. no one follows after me I get into my car and head back to the dark cold house on juniper street. I park in the driveways go inside and sit on the couch in the darkness with only my thoughts as company. I sit there alone. My name is Henry Rollins and I used to be a police officer.