A month worth of posts and a forseen failure.

So After Nearly An entire month of writing everyday, Ive learned alot about not only myself but also about my writing. There have been times when I have forced myself to write when I don't feel like it, and sometimes those pieces came out better than the ones I wrote while in a writing mood. However, I have missed a few days lately, not that anyone noticed but that's because Ive been working on something else. I have been putting most of my time and effort into a short story. I haven't been able to find the time to do both and right now, to be honest I just have more passion for the short story than I do for my daily blogger post. So for now the daily post seems to be on hiatus thanks for sticking through it, and im surprised it lasted as long as it did. As always my blog will be a place for all my writing. I will most likely still be posting every few days, updating the status of this short story and whatever new projects that might come my way. In a way I feel kinda like a failure but, it was a huge undertaking to begin with. Writing a poem or short story a day for a year, just doesnt seem to be plausible at this point in my life. Once again thanks to everyone who did read and to all those that gave me the words of encouragement. There is nothing as important to a writer as when someone else shares in something you created. Anyways keep on reading and Ill keep writing.

Day 29-The Ocean and Me

I stand at the turning point.
I know what I have to do, I
must jump head first into
the icy waters below. Tired
of just being content upon the
deck, it is time for me to make
my way into the ocean.

The sea may be rough and I might
struggle just to keep my head
above water, but its worth it.
I can no longer just stay on the
boat and let it take me where it
drifts. I must make my own
destiny now. Only I can make
that leap, and its only me who
can swim to the shore to start
again.

If i don't jump now I don't
know If I ever will. I climb
over the railing and stand
there, knowing that all I
have to do is let go.

It sounds so easy, just let go and
let gravity do the rest. I don't let go.
I let my own insecurities own me.
I stand there clinging to a ship, that
is going in the wrong direction.

As the waves crash upon the prow,
a sense of calm washes over me.
I let go and lean forward, falling into
the ocean. As I hit the water the
coldness surrounds me. It is too late
to go back now, all that's left is
to swim for my life.

Day 28-Glass Towers

Turning a blind eye to the darkness,
they sit in their glass towers.
Using their pawns in a never ending struggle.
Sacrificing them in order to protect themselves.

They use their greatest weapon fear to control,
those that don't understand begin to fear.
Controlling those that are to afraid to seek
the real answers. Their language a cacophony of
mysteries and misdirection.

Tomorrow doesn't belong to our children, or the
next generation. It belongs to them. They sit and
talk about profits while those around them suffer.

These people, think they are untouchable in a position
of power where, they sit back and just watch the world
burn. It doesn' t matter to them as long as the stock looks
favorable and they have still have a tee time for tomorrow
they are happy.

That is where they are wrong though. They
aren't untouchable,we all have a voice. We
all have friends that will listen, and we
all have a right to make that voice heard.
Each voice may be small but each one counts.

So as they sit there, do what you can spread the
word find something that you care about and let them
hear your voice.

Day 27- Randall McQueen

In the darkness I sit. How I got here is a story in itself. I was born Randall McQueen the fifth child to a family that could hardly afford one child, yet alone another four. My mother was a waitress my father a construction worker, both hard workers but stuck in positions that were less than favorable. My first memories of them were when i was about three years old I remember going to a small park near our humble apartment. I say humble, but what I really mean is decrepit roach hole. I was a kid though, and I didn't mind after all it was my roach hole, it was home. They always took care of me, gave me as much as they could making sure that my happiness, and the happiness of my siblings came first. It was a happy childhood, despite a few bullies I was content with just being a boy, discovering all the wonders that the world held. I was good in school, a smart kid with a bright future ahead of me. Looking back I start to see that those years were probably the happiest times in my life. I think that is true for lots of people, there is very little in life that can compare to being a child. There are little to no responsibilities, and the sweet innocence of youth is one thing that none of us can reclaim. Its only after awhile you start to realize, that as you get older things just get more complicated. I grew up just like everyone else, for the most part. Awkward teen years, first girlfriend, first kiss, and all of that.
The years seemed to fly by, one year im a lanky nerdy fourteen year old. I close my eyes and it seems like all of a sudden im eighteen, still lanky but finishing high school. Looking down the barrel of one of the scariest things I've ever seen the real world. I was younger then, like we all are at that age, and I thought I had it all figured out. That things would go according to plan, and now I know how wrong I really was. I found a job at a local manufacturing plant, making auto parts for small to midsize vehicles. The pay was terrible and the hours were worse but it was stable enough to where I could get my own place. I found a little shit hole downtown, in a bad neighborhood, but the rent was cheap. I also found a roomate who was either a meth head, or a speed junkie. Thankfully I didnt spend much time with him, so I cant say with any certainty to what choice of recreational activity he partook in. I did that for three years eeking out a living and saving what money I could for the future. Things were good, not ideal but it could be worse, it could be alot worse. That is when I met Sarah, she moved into the apartment right across the hall. I was smitten from the beginning she was gorgeous. Not like the model kinda pretty, but the everyday next store kind of pretty. It took me three weeks to get the courage to just talk to her. That first meeting consisting of me welcoming her to the complex. She stood in the door giving me an odd look, telling me how she was wondering when I would finally talk to her. She had a sense of humor and a great smile, I was in love. Its amazing how some things work out it took me another five weeks before I finally asked her out. We went to the little Italian restaurant down the street. She wore a blue skirt, I remember that for some reason. I also remember that it was winter time, so the snow and ice had blanketed most of the area. We found ourselves walking home in the falling snow that night. I remember she kissed me in the same snow, and I remember walking up the steps to our apartment, that's when i slipped, my head hit the ground and everything went black. When I woke up this is where I was. Nothing but darkness, I want to open my eyes and see the world but all I can do is sit here. Its eating away at what little sanity I have left. I don't know how long I have been here and I don't know how much longer it will be. My name is Randall McQueen, Im trapped in this darkness. All I wanna do is wake up.

Day 26-Shoes

Simple classic
worn out torn ripped
smells of summer stained with green
scuffs made by memories
worn out soles
shoes

crooked tongue
tattered laces
faded from the rain and snow
holes torn in the canvas
shoes

comfortable
familiar
hug my feet like old friends
shoes

walk a mile
see what its like
see what I see
feel what I feel
shoes

Day 25- A place

There is a place,
it sits amongst the clouds.
In this place there is no pain.
There is no hate,
there is no cruelty.

It is a place crafted from the dreams and hopes
of this twenty something confused scared boy.

The meadow is empty in this place.
Surrounded by trees that seem to
reach for the very sky as if to grab, and
claim a piece of it as their own. As the
trees reach upward, the breeze seems to
whisper while the moonlight shines down
upon it all like a gazing sentry.

The rain continues to fall from the gray
clouds overhead, and as it falls it hits
the earth. The sound it makes resounds,
and almost sounds like music. The beat
made up of the millions of drops that
hit the ground.

In the middle of it all is a boy.
A boy who knows how far he will go one day,
a boy who has a record of all his mistakes,
a boy who created this place as a means to escape.

A place to go to where hes always safe,
A place to go to and store his dreams.
A place where he can be his true self,
and look back at the memories that
got him to where he is.

A place where he can be happy.

Day 24- It

Everyone looks for it.
People have died for it.
Wars have been fought over it.

Some people find it.
Some turn their back on it.
others just lose it.

Tears have been shed over it.
Sleep has been lost for it.
People have been destroyed by it.

It is what make us human.
It is how we are different.
It is a part of everyone of our lives.

It is love.

Day 23-Colors

colors, each unique
each one has a meaning,
a purpose. Each one
invokes a different feeling.
A different memory.

Green reminds me of summer,
when I was a kid staying out
late playing games in the yard.
Daydreaming and wishing I was
grown up. Looking back I miss
those days.

Blue reminds me of my father.
A strong man who always did all he
could for me. Someone who inspires me
still today. Calm and collected
just like the color and always there.

Yellow reminds me of my hope.
if all the dreams that I once had, and
to all the new unknown dreams that
are to come. Yellow is that small part
of me that refuses to give up.

Red is my love for others, for
my friends,family, and that
special person. It is in red that
I can find the most complexity.
No other color is as wonderful,
nor hurts as much as red.
It is the color that can burn like
the surface of the sun or can
match the color of blood that flows
through us all.

Then there is black. Some say its not
a color, but tome I can see so much in
it. It reminds me of all the things Ive
been through to get where I am. It is the
pain suffering and general hard times
that I have experienced. It also gives
me strength reminds me that no matter
how bad things get I can get through
them.

Day 22-the bus ride and iron bars

He clutches the small flower tightly in his old rough hands. The bright red of the rose in stark contrast to the old faded grey suit, that seems two sizes to big for him. He sits on the cold plastic bus seat, his blue eyes almost as faded as his suit. He stares out the window, the old worn out buildings, and the broken sidewalk seem to mimic the reflection of himself. Once full of life, now broken down, and fighting against time itself to survive. The bus comes to a halt as more people make their way onto the bus, but he doesn't even notice. The bus lurches back to life as it continues to make its way through the less glamorous part of the city. Yellow flickering streetlights lighting the dark, and casting strange shadows as daylight begins to fade. His old hand reaches slowly and finds the cold metal wire. He pulls it making no other movements as the bus continues to make its way to the next stop. The old man stands, and slowly makes his way to the front of the bus. A flareup of pain as he makes his way down the stairs, and out the door. Nothing but a small grunt is heard, as his feet finally reach the cracked asphalt of the street. The bus pulls away taking with it the bright lights, and all the other passengers. He stands there for a moment on the sidewalk, and watches as the bus becomes nothing but a memory. He leans heavily on his cane as he slowly makes his way across the street. One foot in front of the other, favoring his cane as much as possible. When he reaches the other side, he stops in front of the huge old gate. Their black iron bars loom over him and unlike the rest of the city seem to be immune to the weathers of time. The gate is closed, he stands there looking at the barrier that keeps him from his destination, and all he can do is cry. The tears roll down his face and he drops the flower unto the trash strewn sidewalk. Twenty five years and he has never missed his brothers birthday. As he stands outside the cemetery gates, with tears in his eyes he remembers. His mind flashes back to all the memories he and his brother shared, the late nights, the fights, dads funeral, and his brothers wedding. Each event significant and beautiful in there own respects. Still part of him feels as if he has failed, visiting his brothers grave every year on his brothers birthday was something he promised to do. He stands there staring at the dark bars that torment him and mock his very presence, they might as well be an ocean separating him from his brothers resting place. He turns and walks away limping back to the bus stop, that will take him back home.

Day 21-paper heart

My paper heart torn,
beaten,burned and crumpled.

It has been hurt weathered
by life.It has felt what I
have felt. It has been where
I have been.

Every emotion and feeling
I have ever felt has left its
unique mark upon this paper.

It has been destroyed and
put back together a number
of times. It is a part of who I
am and who I am still becoming
in the future.

But it still beats. It beats
when I write. It beats when I
see the world around me.
Its filled with all the
things I love. My family my friends,
and all the things I love about her.

it may be just weak made out of
paper. It can be torn and crumpled,
and yet unlike paper it cannot be
destroyed there is always a small
part that continues to be.

Day 20- Hellsmouths new shoes!

Some of you may know me already, my name is hellsmouth. I am a big, hairy, purple, monster that has horns who enjoys all the finer things in life. Such as nintendo, comic books, and of course pizza. I'm usually a friendly kinda guy, but old habits die hard and sometimes I find myself doing things the way they used to be. Take for example last week, I woke up around noonish not too early not too late and had myself a nice breakfast. I watched a little tv, and in general was looking forward to my afternoon nap. That is when I heard a noise outside, it was a man snooping around my house out here in the woods. Naturally I did what all monsters do, I hopped up from my seat went outside, and ate him. He wasn't as tasty as some other humans, but he did try to run. I don't mind a good chase every now and then, so it wasn't a total loss. That is when I looked down at the shoes that I had so casually thrown off to the side earlier. They were some of the best looking shoes I have ever seen, crocodile skin loafers, and just my size. Well they would be once I ripped off the front toe, and made a few slight adjustments. Anyways some newer monsters frown upon the old ways of eating people. The way I see it, I got a new pair of crocodile sandals!

Day 19-see the good

So much fear.
So much doubt.
The world is full of pain.
People hurting, people killing,
people hating.

Its easy to focus on the dark.
Ive been there in that pit of despair
unable to see the light blinded in
the inky blackness that surrounds you.
Slowly it tries to make you a part of it.

It is in that darkness that we find out
who we really are. I don't think that anyone
can truly know who they are without
being hopeless and broken.

Some give up some give in.
But some of us stand in that
darkness finding the light
within ourselves to light up
our prison and slowly climb
our way out of the pit.

When you finally get out and feel the
warm sun again you see the world in a
different way. It makes you see the beauty
in this world and lets you see the good.

Day 18-Keys

keys,small,metal
taken for granted.
They lock things to
keep others out and
open things to let us
in. The sit in a ring
amongst a gathering of
various other keys.

Each unique each one
different.In a way us
humans are alot like
keys. Some people open
themselves to everyone,
while others lock themselves
away, some open doors of
opportunity, while others
become lost, their use being
forgotten with the passage
of time.

Yet just like us
each key serves a purpose
no key is made without a
task that is to be done.
Each key does not always
fulfill its destiny. Some
are never used created
with a purpose but for one
reason or another they become
unused the locks and the
secrets behind those locks
remain forgotten.

While others
unlock what they were always meant
to unlock. Just like when you
unlock that part of yourself
that lets you realize the beauty
in yourself and the world around you.

Day 17-your shadow

He is always with you.
everyday and everywhere.
He has seen what you have seen.

Between our world and his,
he can see what we cannot.
He can understand things we
could never comprehend.

Everywhere there is a shadow
there is a piece of him there.
His only friends the shadows
that he is so familiar with.

He is ever present, light
doesn't hurt him. In fact its
only through light that he exists.
After all there are no shadows in
total darkness.

Hes there when your happy.
Hes there when your sad.
Like a looming presence he
remains. Even after all
life has left your body he
is there. Until what remains
is sealed within darkness,he
stays. He is your shadow.

Day 16- close to non existence

My lungs start to burn as the cold air continues to enter and exit rapidly. Ever part of my body telling me to slow down and to stop, but I cant. I shouldn't have stayed out so long I was stupid. I must keep running, that's all that I can do. I ignore the burning in my chest and focus on willing my tired legs to keep pumping faster, I tell myself. My feet hit the wet pavement as I keep a steady pace, one foot in front of the other. Willing my body to continue on when there is little left. I come around the corner I am almost there. Almost to safety, almost to a place where I can rest, until tomorrow night. I keep running I cant give in now I can see the sun start to rise above the horizon. I can start to feel the heat upon my skin, it burns deeper than the pain that was in my lungs. Im too late, and yet I keep running in the hopes that maybe just maybe by some miracle ill make it. The sun continues to rise, im only two hundred and fifty feet away from the enveloping darkness of the house. Two hundred and fifty feet between life and death. My skin begins to burn and pain unlike any I have ever felt in my life assails my body. Tears begin to run down my cheeks as my flesh begins to smoke in the early morning dawn. One hundred more feet no time left, part of me just wants to give in right there. Let the sun take me,let it turn me to ash to be spread by the wind never to be seen again. Yet I still run,I hit the door and collapse as I am slowly being burnt away by the morning light. Broken and smoking lying on the front step I drag myself through the door and into the dark house. I close the door and lye in the darkness thankful for being alive. Actually not alive thankful for existing, because technically ive been dead for years. That was too close,I almost didn't make it, I was sloppy and stupid and yet I am still here. I make my way downstairs to my room to rest let my wounds heal themselves. Tonight I shall awake and the pain will be gone. However I wont forget how close I was to ending everything that I was. I wont make the same mistake twice that I am sure of. I had been close to non existence and I didn't like it one bit.

day 15-Moments

So I missed a day so ill do two to make up for it. I mean its gonna happen every once in awhile. Im not to worried about it. Anyways enjoy!


moments..
the life ahead seems so distant
clouded by the ever present doubt
that seems to creep into my mind
It tells me that Im doomed to fail and
that all Ill ever be is trapped in this
current state of uncertainty and overall
disdain for the person that I have become

but what if i became this person for
a reason. What if me struggling with all
these emotions and fears and doubts is
not who I am destined to become but
who I used to be? I still hope for the day
when I wake up and not feel like Im a
stranger to myself. That moment when
I know that everything will work out.

sometimes It feels like I am surrounded
by people and yet feel so alone. I know that
there are those that love and care about me
and yet I still continue to walk down this road
that seems to go nowhere...there are small moments
when a hand reaches for mine tugs me in the right
direction..and in those moments everything just seems to
fade and the world makes sense.

so Ill cling to those moments and try to make
them last. Because those small moments mean
the most to me..a friend to listen...a word of encouragement
a shared emotion..someone to laugh with..someone who
just lets me be me...these small moments make my life
worth living..

I will probably never be rich..Ill probably never be famous..the only thing
I have is these moments that define who I am and who I am to be...
so Ill live my life take it a day at a time. Live through the moments
and just try to love..maybe thats the meaning of life..to live through the
small moments others have created...and in return create
those moments for those around you!

Day 14-The lake

There is a lake.Its is made up of all thoughts and dreams of those who stare into it. It has been described in many different ways. It all depends on who is looking into
it. Some say that it has the clearest water that they have ever set their eyes upon. While others say that it is so murky that they cant even see the bottom. No one truly knows how deep it really is. The one thing that people do know is that it is special. When you first stare into you see it for what it is,a lake. It is then that the water starts to shift. The water takes one new shapes and colors and tricks the eye into seeing whats not really there. Many wicked people Have found themselves taken by the lake. Using the lure of money,sex and whatever their heart desires. However there are also inherently good people who gaze upon its waves and when they look within the ripples they see something completely different. They are rewarded. There are many who have come to study the lake that can see mens hearts and some believe that it is the legendary lake that king Arthur met the lady of the lake. Who really knows for sure. The only thing we know for sure is that lake can see what most men are most afraid of seeing...who they really are.

Day 13-getting ethical

Every person has their own ethics that they have created from all the things that influence them In their lives. This is usually a set of guidelines that the individual uses when making decisions in real life. The influences that create these codes can come from many sources and as a person goes through life their own code of ethics might even evolve or change into something different than what they once thought to be appropriate. The thing that makes all codes of ethics the same is that they share similar obligations that can contain their beliefs according to what category it falls under. These three main obligations are to society, individuals, and yourself. Using these three obligations a personal code of ethics can be formed. When it comes to society, I believe that people should follow the idea of Utilitarianism. In which it is right to do something as long as it benefits the grater good. So If someone was dying and needed medicine, but across town you could save 5 lives with the same meds the needs of the 5 are more important. This goes along with the famous saying of the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. However most people these days don't see it that way. Its all about personal gain and what benefits them the most. Its kinda sad because I believe,as a society the greatest way to improve the overall positive nature of the society is to benefit as many members of that society no matter what status they may be. The obligations that I believe we should have to individual is that everyone should be treated as equal whether rich, poor, black, white, green. I also think that all individuals have the right to live and express their own opinion, even if those opinions might differ from what I believe. I also think that every individual should have the right to feel safe, for an example they have the right to live in a place that is both emotionally and physically stable. I personally hold myself to a utilitarianism mind frame similar to that of my views on the ideal society. I feel that I am obliged to help the most amount of people that I can. There are also times however , I may not always follow my own obligations for one reason or another. Whether or not this means that my own view is incorrect doesn’t really matter because, I believe my view to be truth regardless of what others say.

Day 12-Cold

There are two types of cold, physical and emotional. The physical cold bites on the surface and slowly makes it way through the layers of clothing. It makes you wish for warmth it sends a chill through you and makes you realize how frail as humans we can be. Despite all that I dont really mind the physical cold. Its the emotional cold that I think everyone has a harder time with. Its because its totally different, it starts from within oneself. Slowly it grows reaching out until it consume the very essence of who you used to be. It is almost always caused by another, sometimes we create the cold in others hearts too. Unlike the physical cold there isnt much to do to help warm up, you just have to freeze. However, even though both types of cold are different they do share one thing in common they go away with the passage of time. The physical with a new season, the emotional takes considerably longer but it does pass. Thats the good thing that even though there is cold you will always feel the warmth again someday.

update!

So 11 days im pretty proud of myself however my short story a day thing is gonna change.I still plan on doing something everyday, or at least trying to. Ive been pretty busy lately and I just feel like some of the stories are feeling forced,and I don't really feel like some of the stories got the attention that they needed. That and I really miss writing poetry too so its kinda going from a story a day to a writing a day! In no way do I see this as a failure it was an insane task to begin with and getting 11 days aint half bad. Anyways hopefully you will stick around and keep reading.