adios 2010

Ellen Goodman once said "We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential." and with the coming new year thats exactly what i plan to do! I cant believe that 2010 is already almost over it doesnt feel like its been a year. This year has been definetly a been quite the trip. Ive been through alot this year probably more than usual and to be honest..I am honestly excited for the future which is something I cant say ive been for quite awhile. The year started out pretty good, then in spring hit a really rough patch, but looking back im glad it all happened. There were some nights where I didnt know what was going to happen and days where I was so unsure of myself and who I was. I hate to say it but it was probably some of the darkest times in my life..However I was lucky I have great friends people whos love kept me around and kept me going. As the year continued I was fortunate enough to meet new friends some of the greatest freinds I could ever ask for the kind that are always there even when your having a breakdown a 2am because you dont know where your life is going. Through all the ups and downs they have been there for me giving me support and love and just being there for me and im thankful for them! Summer was a good one this year I found myself starting to get things back in order finding myself in long walks in the park and rediscovering my love of painting and writing, and spending time with friends both old and new made for a memorable summer. Fall came extraodinarly quick it seems this year. I started working at a call center and had the experience of seeing what that was like and unfortunately realizing that it wasnt for me!I also met and started hanging out with this wonderful girl named emily youve probably heard me talk about her before. Shes pretty amazing if I do say so myself! Anyways as fall turned to winter I found myself in a place i never would have thought id be in again and thats madly in love. I also found myself loving my art and embracing it more looking forward to actually trying to make a career out of it. All in all Id say its been an ok year while the first half was rough and there were lots of tears shared with lots of friends lots of late night talks but Ive grown this year and thats what im so happy about! Im excited for the future and what 2011 will bring! I wanna say thank you to all my friends and family and of course to my wonderful girlfriend, all of you are what makes me who I am. I love you all and I hope you all have a great new years!

love peace and chicken grease!

chris

Song

The rain slowly falls as the cold air signals the begining of the winter that is soon to come. In the solitude of my room surrounded by the cold and darkness an old beatles song begins to play. As the song continues it reminds of so many things..of a rainy day spent with someone special..a beautiful smile a warm hand to hold and laughter that warms my heart. The song reaches the bridge each note significant and yet only a piece of a bigger composition as the melody rings out each passing moment brings so many emotions to my mind. I cant remember the last time ive known with such certainty that I am happy. As the music begins to reach an end a small sense of sadness seems to creep in, only because the song much like the day seems to end to quickly. Its over before you know it and your left in silence once more. Even in the silence I find something wonderful and thats hope..hope that one day I will be able to have that music forever, that someday that rainy day might turn into a lifetime...its a fools dream but thats what I do..I dream of tomorrow and live for today as I listen to the next song.

Its alive its alive!!

Like a zombie from the grave my blog shall claw its way through the muddy earth of complete abandonment and shamble its way hopefully into the lovely pink matter of all 2 or 3 of my readers..Anyways back to the real world after a pretty long time im coming back to focus on my writing alot of stuff has happened and Ive been through alot since that time, including meeting someone that is responsible for the reanimation if you will of this corpse of a blog..shes an amazing person someone that I feel lucky to have met. Shes someone that sees this world in a similar fashion as myself and after reading her blog it got me thinking about my own..anyways im back don't know for how long but its good to be back that casket smelled funny... kinda fitting i came back in October lets me get away with the whole zombie theme which i so love!! haha anyways stick around read a bit and enjoy that's what this is all about right?

awake

I Lie awake, unable to sleep for what seems like forever.
Haunted by past memories, of things that used to be.
Like phantoms they dance within my mind reminding me of what
it once felt like to be alive.
I close my eyes and wish for peace. But no peace comes.
Her face is all I see. Her voice is all I hear.
Its like the harder I try to forget the more the echos repeat.
My mind is fuzzy my heart heavy. I wonder how much longer.
The crushing feeling in my chest a constant visitor, followed
by a choking feeling. My eyes burn.
I cry out to god. I cry out to anyone, take this away.
Make me forget.
I lay back down and close my eyes.
Watch it all go black, knowing that
tomorrow will be the same.
Ive lost sight of who I was confused hurt and scared and still I continue.
Force it all to the darkest corners of my mind to forget. pretend im ok.
Awake laying in darkness, Awake haunted by my past.
I Wish for sleep, try to have hope, because thats all I have left.
Hope that one day ill be able to find my path.

The journey

Everyone must make that journey.

The time comes when who we

are ceases to be. When all we become is

who we used to be. To be forgotten,

to fall beneath the endless weight of

time, that is what fascinates me.

The very fact that we spend all our

time finding out who we are, only to be

forgotten, only to be lost.

the constant loop

That day replays in a constant loop,

the one day that remains unforgotten

forever stays ingrained within

the essence of who I am.

I remember holding her for the last time,

the last words said face to face.

Walking down those metal stairs,

Watching her, I backed my car out.

That last look on her face,

the afternoon sun reflected in her eyes.

Fought back the tears

driving towards what I used to call home.

Inside I knew.

The way she acted that day gave her away,

yet still i had hope.

Hours pass,

thinking of her.

Went to the store it was cold out.

my phone rang, it was her.

A fleeting moment of happiness

followed by the dread of following

words. We need to talk.

My chest tightens, hard to breathe

the tears fall, as I stand in the

electronics aisle.

Asking why, hear her crying.

In that moment lost part of

myself.

The days go by,

weeks into months.

Still the pain resides, friends

are there, help me out.

still alone when I go to sleep.

So here I sit a broken person,

so many questions. No answers.

Others tell me, it will be ok.

you'll find someone better.

None of that matters,

I dont want anyone but her.

But it takes two to love. I

cant make her feel what isnt,

cant make her love me enough.

Thats what hurts the most, I

came so close.

Thought this time things are different

life showed me differently.

So I do what I can, I take whats left

the memories we had.

The time we spent, and try to move on.

Block out my thoughts,

try not to feel.

Pretend to be happy.

shards of glass...

People are alot like small shards of glass. The deeper you let them in the more pain they cause you. They bury themselves deep and as soon as you try to remove them it cause more pain, more scars . Thats why we build up our walls we guard against emotional contact. However there are times when someone gets past those defenses they see who you really are they see you at your worst, they see the side you hide from everyone else. Thats the hard thing when someone gets past all that you trust them, you begin to think that they would never hurt you. Its when this happens that the true pain occurs, because what do you do when someone you care about with everything that you are, hurts you? There is nothing to do except take the pain and use it as a reminder. A reminder that strengthens who we are and makes those defenses even more present.

the evolution of me

I guess what makes us human is
that we all feel, we all make mistakes, and we all
have to keep going despite what gets in our way.

Nothing has been the same and to be honest im
scared. Afraid that I will always feel this way.
That I will always be so unsure of myself that,
I might not be able to have a normal relationship
with someone else anytime soon. I guess that's
what happens when you love someone, and it ends.

You tend to not look at what you should see.
all the things about them that made you smile
seem like a distant memory...slowly fading
like an old photograph. I don't know much about
the world or even the purpose of life. But I
know what its like to feel that pain.

That tightness and pain in your throat that
you feel as you lay awake at night crying because
you don't know who you are anymore. Then there's
the pit in your stomach every time you think of
their face or hear a song that reminds you of them.
Eventually the sharp pain evolves turned into a
dull ever-present pain one that you carry
with you and dont know why.

Eventually you get to the pain of acceptance. You
come to realize that things are never going back to
the way they were. Theres that hopelessness and the
feeling that there is nothing you can do and in the
end your feelings are right.

All you can do is take whats left of who you are.
Put yourself back together and hope.
Hope that someday you find someone that can love
you as much as you loved that person.

Thats what keeps me going..Some may call me a fool
and that true love does not exist, and maybe they
are right. But I guess im a fool because i still
believe in love. I still believe in happiness and I
still believe in the strength that I hold within
myself.

I will stand in the sun again and I will be happy, I shall find
my happiness in the small things in life. I will love the friends
I have and live my passions in life, it is my goal .
It is the evolution of me.

so yeah...

Its been two weeks now.... It seems like its all been in slow motion that things just slowly slipped through my fingers before I was able to grasp them again. Its been a hard two weeks, probably some of the hardest weeks in my life. However with all the pain and confusion and anger, ive realized two things..

1. I have a great group of people who care about me, Im lucky. I have tyler and cali who are always there for me no matter what, They are family to me. Yannick is the one guy that might be cooler than me I say might but in reality he probably is. Adam and riley are my smart ass friends give me alot of crap but I wouldnt have it any other way besides I give them crap too! I also have friends who i have never met before in person. Kiri, is always there giving me a hard time but when it comes down to it she always listens shes like a big sister to me! Justin is one of the most amazing people I have ever got the chance to meet, hes younger than me but he has a wisdom that blows me away, hes my broham and hed walk through hell with me if he had too. Then theres jenna, at first I didnt know her that well I just knew her as justins girlfriend but shes an awesome listener and has been through alot of things, shes knows what im feeling and is also really great at giving me advice. Sadi is my metal mentor and when it comes to being kick ass she knows how to do it! Angela is the one that always tells me like it is she calls me on my bulshit which is pretty helpful! There are others too of course but Id be writing all night. Basically I wanna say thanks to anyone who has just been there for me through this and who I know will still be there whatever comes.

2. That as shitty as things are they could be worse. Im tired of letting my emotions control my life so from now on that's a no go..I'm just gonna live and try to be content with what I have and who I am. Its that simple, sure there will still be pain there and there will still be days where I will fall apart, but im not gonna let it break me.

What Im getting at is that I realized that I was spending to much time and energy just focusing on negative shit. So here is to tomorrow and whatever it brings. Heres to robots unicorns ninjas and pirates may they all fight each other in a battle royal where we all can watch and partake in the greatness!

Street Lamp

So this is an older piece I think I wrote it around christmas or new years but lately ive gone back to it. It holds things that are still true, my weaknesses and insecurities all that stuff.

The wet pavement reflects the light of a street lamp overhead...shining like a beacon on the darkest street in the darkest city. The light seems to dim as the darkness swirls around the edges of the lights beam..The darkness a disease a cancer fluid alive and yet devoid of living all in one. The darkness is whats inside me. It is every one of my weaknesses, every on of my fears, every one of my doubts and every ounce of my anger, hate, and jealousy. It is pure malice oozing with the puss of disdainful sores. It is all I hate and yet it is part of me. I feel it stirring taking over slowly....at first but there are times when it feels like maybe thats all that i have left. The person I am and the person I want to be could never be further from one another. Ive fallen into the lure of self hate and have become a master at it. Its like there is more than one me. The true me who hides like a coward behind all my barriers and all my walls so that he will not feel that pain. Then there's the other me the fake me the one that is made of all that I hate. People always say that they know that im a good person and that I have a good heart...but how can they know who I am when I don't even know myself. There are so many thoughts and emotions and feelings running through me I feel as though in the end life might not be worth it. Ive looked for answers.All I have found is one thing and thats pain. There is more than one kind of pain. This is the worst kind the one that lives deep inside. It writhes and shifts and makes you feel like just letting go and giving up. It is the pain that you carry with you. It becomes a part of who you are it influences your choices and clouds the mind. If there is a hell this pain would be it. It lets you think your in control and even subsides at times..but then at others it comes back like waves eroding whats left of my remaining sanity. Its like Ive already been buried in the ground covered by dirt and Im slowly wasting away while I remain nothing but a memory to those I love. These words do little to truly express how i really feel. The words don't exist and the mind is too fluid. Like a ripple each thought starts as a strong point but dies off before it can be truly expressed. Whats left is just the smallest insignificant piece. Each piece so small and yet complex if the full thought could be expressed would we even be able to truly comprehend it? I stand in front of a mirror and think to myself how did it get this far? How did I become this person. So broken, messed up and scared. I look myself and realize that maybe I don't know who I really am. Maybe its to late for me maybe the last street lamp in the darkest city had already gone out.

A month worth of posts and a forseen failure.

So After Nearly An entire month of writing everyday, Ive learned alot about not only myself but also about my writing. There have been times when I have forced myself to write when I don't feel like it, and sometimes those pieces came out better than the ones I wrote while in a writing mood. However, I have missed a few days lately, not that anyone noticed but that's because Ive been working on something else. I have been putting most of my time and effort into a short story. I haven't been able to find the time to do both and right now, to be honest I just have more passion for the short story than I do for my daily blogger post. So for now the daily post seems to be on hiatus thanks for sticking through it, and im surprised it lasted as long as it did. As always my blog will be a place for all my writing. I will most likely still be posting every few days, updating the status of this short story and whatever new projects that might come my way. In a way I feel kinda like a failure but, it was a huge undertaking to begin with. Writing a poem or short story a day for a year, just doesnt seem to be plausible at this point in my life. Once again thanks to everyone who did read and to all those that gave me the words of encouragement. There is nothing as important to a writer as when someone else shares in something you created. Anyways keep on reading and Ill keep writing.

Day 29-The Ocean and Me

I stand at the turning point.
I know what I have to do, I
must jump head first into
the icy waters below. Tired
of just being content upon the
deck, it is time for me to make
my way into the ocean.

The sea may be rough and I might
struggle just to keep my head
above water, but its worth it.
I can no longer just stay on the
boat and let it take me where it
drifts. I must make my own
destiny now. Only I can make
that leap, and its only me who
can swim to the shore to start
again.

If i don't jump now I don't
know If I ever will. I climb
over the railing and stand
there, knowing that all I
have to do is let go.

It sounds so easy, just let go and
let gravity do the rest. I don't let go.
I let my own insecurities own me.
I stand there clinging to a ship, that
is going in the wrong direction.

As the waves crash upon the prow,
a sense of calm washes over me.
I let go and lean forward, falling into
the ocean. As I hit the water the
coldness surrounds me. It is too late
to go back now, all that's left is
to swim for my life.

Day 28-Glass Towers

Turning a blind eye to the darkness,
they sit in their glass towers.
Using their pawns in a never ending struggle.
Sacrificing them in order to protect themselves.

They use their greatest weapon fear to control,
those that don't understand begin to fear.
Controlling those that are to afraid to seek
the real answers. Their language a cacophony of
mysteries and misdirection.

Tomorrow doesn't belong to our children, or the
next generation. It belongs to them. They sit and
talk about profits while those around them suffer.

These people, think they are untouchable in a position
of power where, they sit back and just watch the world
burn. It doesn' t matter to them as long as the stock looks
favorable and they have still have a tee time for tomorrow
they are happy.

That is where they are wrong though. They
aren't untouchable,we all have a voice. We
all have friends that will listen, and we
all have a right to make that voice heard.
Each voice may be small but each one counts.

So as they sit there, do what you can spread the
word find something that you care about and let them
hear your voice.

Day 27- Randall McQueen

In the darkness I sit. How I got here is a story in itself. I was born Randall McQueen the fifth child to a family that could hardly afford one child, yet alone another four. My mother was a waitress my father a construction worker, both hard workers but stuck in positions that were less than favorable. My first memories of them were when i was about three years old I remember going to a small park near our humble apartment. I say humble, but what I really mean is decrepit roach hole. I was a kid though, and I didn't mind after all it was my roach hole, it was home. They always took care of me, gave me as much as they could making sure that my happiness, and the happiness of my siblings came first. It was a happy childhood, despite a few bullies I was content with just being a boy, discovering all the wonders that the world held. I was good in school, a smart kid with a bright future ahead of me. Looking back I start to see that those years were probably the happiest times in my life. I think that is true for lots of people, there is very little in life that can compare to being a child. There are little to no responsibilities, and the sweet innocence of youth is one thing that none of us can reclaim. Its only after awhile you start to realize, that as you get older things just get more complicated. I grew up just like everyone else, for the most part. Awkward teen years, first girlfriend, first kiss, and all of that.
The years seemed to fly by, one year im a lanky nerdy fourteen year old. I close my eyes and it seems like all of a sudden im eighteen, still lanky but finishing high school. Looking down the barrel of one of the scariest things I've ever seen the real world. I was younger then, like we all are at that age, and I thought I had it all figured out. That things would go according to plan, and now I know how wrong I really was. I found a job at a local manufacturing plant, making auto parts for small to midsize vehicles. The pay was terrible and the hours were worse but it was stable enough to where I could get my own place. I found a little shit hole downtown, in a bad neighborhood, but the rent was cheap. I also found a roomate who was either a meth head, or a speed junkie. Thankfully I didnt spend much time with him, so I cant say with any certainty to what choice of recreational activity he partook in. I did that for three years eeking out a living and saving what money I could for the future. Things were good, not ideal but it could be worse, it could be alot worse. That is when I met Sarah, she moved into the apartment right across the hall. I was smitten from the beginning she was gorgeous. Not like the model kinda pretty, but the everyday next store kind of pretty. It took me three weeks to get the courage to just talk to her. That first meeting consisting of me welcoming her to the complex. She stood in the door giving me an odd look, telling me how she was wondering when I would finally talk to her. She had a sense of humor and a great smile, I was in love. Its amazing how some things work out it took me another five weeks before I finally asked her out. We went to the little Italian restaurant down the street. She wore a blue skirt, I remember that for some reason. I also remember that it was winter time, so the snow and ice had blanketed most of the area. We found ourselves walking home in the falling snow that night. I remember she kissed me in the same snow, and I remember walking up the steps to our apartment, that's when i slipped, my head hit the ground and everything went black. When I woke up this is where I was. Nothing but darkness, I want to open my eyes and see the world but all I can do is sit here. Its eating away at what little sanity I have left. I don't know how long I have been here and I don't know how much longer it will be. My name is Randall McQueen, Im trapped in this darkness. All I wanna do is wake up.

Day 26-Shoes

Simple classic
worn out torn ripped
smells of summer stained with green
scuffs made by memories
worn out soles
shoes

crooked tongue
tattered laces
faded from the rain and snow
holes torn in the canvas
shoes

comfortable
familiar
hug my feet like old friends
shoes

walk a mile
see what its like
see what I see
feel what I feel
shoes

Day 25- A place

There is a place,
it sits amongst the clouds.
In this place there is no pain.
There is no hate,
there is no cruelty.

It is a place crafted from the dreams and hopes
of this twenty something confused scared boy.

The meadow is empty in this place.
Surrounded by trees that seem to
reach for the very sky as if to grab, and
claim a piece of it as their own. As the
trees reach upward, the breeze seems to
whisper while the moonlight shines down
upon it all like a gazing sentry.

The rain continues to fall from the gray
clouds overhead, and as it falls it hits
the earth. The sound it makes resounds,
and almost sounds like music. The beat
made up of the millions of drops that
hit the ground.

In the middle of it all is a boy.
A boy who knows how far he will go one day,
a boy who has a record of all his mistakes,
a boy who created this place as a means to escape.

A place to go to where hes always safe,
A place to go to and store his dreams.
A place where he can be his true self,
and look back at the memories that
got him to where he is.

A place where he can be happy.

Day 24- It

Everyone looks for it.
People have died for it.
Wars have been fought over it.

Some people find it.
Some turn their back on it.
others just lose it.

Tears have been shed over it.
Sleep has been lost for it.
People have been destroyed by it.

It is what make us human.
It is how we are different.
It is a part of everyone of our lives.

It is love.

Day 23-Colors

colors, each unique
each one has a meaning,
a purpose. Each one
invokes a different feeling.
A different memory.

Green reminds me of summer,
when I was a kid staying out
late playing games in the yard.
Daydreaming and wishing I was
grown up. Looking back I miss
those days.

Blue reminds me of my father.
A strong man who always did all he
could for me. Someone who inspires me
still today. Calm and collected
just like the color and always there.

Yellow reminds me of my hope.
if all the dreams that I once had, and
to all the new unknown dreams that
are to come. Yellow is that small part
of me that refuses to give up.

Red is my love for others, for
my friends,family, and that
special person. It is in red that
I can find the most complexity.
No other color is as wonderful,
nor hurts as much as red.
It is the color that can burn like
the surface of the sun or can
match the color of blood that flows
through us all.

Then there is black. Some say its not
a color, but tome I can see so much in
it. It reminds me of all the things Ive
been through to get where I am. It is the
pain suffering and general hard times
that I have experienced. It also gives
me strength reminds me that no matter
how bad things get I can get through
them.

Day 22-the bus ride and iron bars

He clutches the small flower tightly in his old rough hands. The bright red of the rose in stark contrast to the old faded grey suit, that seems two sizes to big for him. He sits on the cold plastic bus seat, his blue eyes almost as faded as his suit. He stares out the window, the old worn out buildings, and the broken sidewalk seem to mimic the reflection of himself. Once full of life, now broken down, and fighting against time itself to survive. The bus comes to a halt as more people make their way onto the bus, but he doesn't even notice. The bus lurches back to life as it continues to make its way through the less glamorous part of the city. Yellow flickering streetlights lighting the dark, and casting strange shadows as daylight begins to fade. His old hand reaches slowly and finds the cold metal wire. He pulls it making no other movements as the bus continues to make its way to the next stop. The old man stands, and slowly makes his way to the front of the bus. A flareup of pain as he makes his way down the stairs, and out the door. Nothing but a small grunt is heard, as his feet finally reach the cracked asphalt of the street. The bus pulls away taking with it the bright lights, and all the other passengers. He stands there for a moment on the sidewalk, and watches as the bus becomes nothing but a memory. He leans heavily on his cane as he slowly makes his way across the street. One foot in front of the other, favoring his cane as much as possible. When he reaches the other side, he stops in front of the huge old gate. Their black iron bars loom over him and unlike the rest of the city seem to be immune to the weathers of time. The gate is closed, he stands there looking at the barrier that keeps him from his destination, and all he can do is cry. The tears roll down his face and he drops the flower unto the trash strewn sidewalk. Twenty five years and he has never missed his brothers birthday. As he stands outside the cemetery gates, with tears in his eyes he remembers. His mind flashes back to all the memories he and his brother shared, the late nights, the fights, dads funeral, and his brothers wedding. Each event significant and beautiful in there own respects. Still part of him feels as if he has failed, visiting his brothers grave every year on his brothers birthday was something he promised to do. He stands there staring at the dark bars that torment him and mock his very presence, they might as well be an ocean separating him from his brothers resting place. He turns and walks away limping back to the bus stop, that will take him back home.

Day 21-paper heart

My paper heart torn,
beaten,burned and crumpled.

It has been hurt weathered
by life.It has felt what I
have felt. It has been where
I have been.

Every emotion and feeling
I have ever felt has left its
unique mark upon this paper.

It has been destroyed and
put back together a number
of times. It is a part of who I
am and who I am still becoming
in the future.

But it still beats. It beats
when I write. It beats when I
see the world around me.
Its filled with all the
things I love. My family my friends,
and all the things I love about her.

it may be just weak made out of
paper. It can be torn and crumpled,
and yet unlike paper it cannot be
destroyed there is always a small
part that continues to be.

Day 20- Hellsmouths new shoes!

Some of you may know me already, my name is hellsmouth. I am a big, hairy, purple, monster that has horns who enjoys all the finer things in life. Such as nintendo, comic books, and of course pizza. I'm usually a friendly kinda guy, but old habits die hard and sometimes I find myself doing things the way they used to be. Take for example last week, I woke up around noonish not too early not too late and had myself a nice breakfast. I watched a little tv, and in general was looking forward to my afternoon nap. That is when I heard a noise outside, it was a man snooping around my house out here in the woods. Naturally I did what all monsters do, I hopped up from my seat went outside, and ate him. He wasn't as tasty as some other humans, but he did try to run. I don't mind a good chase every now and then, so it wasn't a total loss. That is when I looked down at the shoes that I had so casually thrown off to the side earlier. They were some of the best looking shoes I have ever seen, crocodile skin loafers, and just my size. Well they would be once I ripped off the front toe, and made a few slight adjustments. Anyways some newer monsters frown upon the old ways of eating people. The way I see it, I got a new pair of crocodile sandals!

Day 19-see the good

So much fear.
So much doubt.
The world is full of pain.
People hurting, people killing,
people hating.

Its easy to focus on the dark.
Ive been there in that pit of despair
unable to see the light blinded in
the inky blackness that surrounds you.
Slowly it tries to make you a part of it.

It is in that darkness that we find out
who we really are. I don't think that anyone
can truly know who they are without
being hopeless and broken.

Some give up some give in.
But some of us stand in that
darkness finding the light
within ourselves to light up
our prison and slowly climb
our way out of the pit.

When you finally get out and feel the
warm sun again you see the world in a
different way. It makes you see the beauty
in this world and lets you see the good.

Day 18-Keys

keys,small,metal
taken for granted.
They lock things to
keep others out and
open things to let us
in. The sit in a ring
amongst a gathering of
various other keys.

Each unique each one
different.In a way us
humans are alot like
keys. Some people open
themselves to everyone,
while others lock themselves
away, some open doors of
opportunity, while others
become lost, their use being
forgotten with the passage
of time.

Yet just like us
each key serves a purpose
no key is made without a
task that is to be done.
Each key does not always
fulfill its destiny. Some
are never used created
with a purpose but for one
reason or another they become
unused the locks and the
secrets behind those locks
remain forgotten.

While others
unlock what they were always meant
to unlock. Just like when you
unlock that part of yourself
that lets you realize the beauty
in yourself and the world around you.

Day 17-your shadow

He is always with you.
everyday and everywhere.
He has seen what you have seen.

Between our world and his,
he can see what we cannot.
He can understand things we
could never comprehend.

Everywhere there is a shadow
there is a piece of him there.
His only friends the shadows
that he is so familiar with.

He is ever present, light
doesn't hurt him. In fact its
only through light that he exists.
After all there are no shadows in
total darkness.

Hes there when your happy.
Hes there when your sad.
Like a looming presence he
remains. Even after all
life has left your body he
is there. Until what remains
is sealed within darkness,he
stays. He is your shadow.

Day 16- close to non existence

My lungs start to burn as the cold air continues to enter and exit rapidly. Ever part of my body telling me to slow down and to stop, but I cant. I shouldn't have stayed out so long I was stupid. I must keep running, that's all that I can do. I ignore the burning in my chest and focus on willing my tired legs to keep pumping faster, I tell myself. My feet hit the wet pavement as I keep a steady pace, one foot in front of the other. Willing my body to continue on when there is little left. I come around the corner I am almost there. Almost to safety, almost to a place where I can rest, until tomorrow night. I keep running I cant give in now I can see the sun start to rise above the horizon. I can start to feel the heat upon my skin, it burns deeper than the pain that was in my lungs. Im too late, and yet I keep running in the hopes that maybe just maybe by some miracle ill make it. The sun continues to rise, im only two hundred and fifty feet away from the enveloping darkness of the house. Two hundred and fifty feet between life and death. My skin begins to burn and pain unlike any I have ever felt in my life assails my body. Tears begin to run down my cheeks as my flesh begins to smoke in the early morning dawn. One hundred more feet no time left, part of me just wants to give in right there. Let the sun take me,let it turn me to ash to be spread by the wind never to be seen again. Yet I still run,I hit the door and collapse as I am slowly being burnt away by the morning light. Broken and smoking lying on the front step I drag myself through the door and into the dark house. I close the door and lye in the darkness thankful for being alive. Actually not alive thankful for existing, because technically ive been dead for years. That was too close,I almost didn't make it, I was sloppy and stupid and yet I am still here. I make my way downstairs to my room to rest let my wounds heal themselves. Tonight I shall awake and the pain will be gone. However I wont forget how close I was to ending everything that I was. I wont make the same mistake twice that I am sure of. I had been close to non existence and I didn't like it one bit.

day 15-Moments

So I missed a day so ill do two to make up for it. I mean its gonna happen every once in awhile. Im not to worried about it. Anyways enjoy!


moments..
the life ahead seems so distant
clouded by the ever present doubt
that seems to creep into my mind
It tells me that Im doomed to fail and
that all Ill ever be is trapped in this
current state of uncertainty and overall
disdain for the person that I have become

but what if i became this person for
a reason. What if me struggling with all
these emotions and fears and doubts is
not who I am destined to become but
who I used to be? I still hope for the day
when I wake up and not feel like Im a
stranger to myself. That moment when
I know that everything will work out.

sometimes It feels like I am surrounded
by people and yet feel so alone. I know that
there are those that love and care about me
and yet I still continue to walk down this road
that seems to go nowhere...there are small moments
when a hand reaches for mine tugs me in the right
direction..and in those moments everything just seems to
fade and the world makes sense.

so Ill cling to those moments and try to make
them last. Because those small moments mean
the most to me..a friend to listen...a word of encouragement
a shared emotion..someone to laugh with..someone who
just lets me be me...these small moments make my life
worth living..

I will probably never be rich..Ill probably never be famous..the only thing
I have is these moments that define who I am and who I am to be...
so Ill live my life take it a day at a time. Live through the moments
and just try to love..maybe thats the meaning of life..to live through the
small moments others have created...and in return create
those moments for those around you!

Day 14-The lake

There is a lake.Its is made up of all thoughts and dreams of those who stare into it. It has been described in many different ways. It all depends on who is looking into
it. Some say that it has the clearest water that they have ever set their eyes upon. While others say that it is so murky that they cant even see the bottom. No one truly knows how deep it really is. The one thing that people do know is that it is special. When you first stare into you see it for what it is,a lake. It is then that the water starts to shift. The water takes one new shapes and colors and tricks the eye into seeing whats not really there. Many wicked people Have found themselves taken by the lake. Using the lure of money,sex and whatever their heart desires. However there are also inherently good people who gaze upon its waves and when they look within the ripples they see something completely different. They are rewarded. There are many who have come to study the lake that can see mens hearts and some believe that it is the legendary lake that king Arthur met the lady of the lake. Who really knows for sure. The only thing we know for sure is that lake can see what most men are most afraid of seeing...who they really are.

Day 13-getting ethical

Every person has their own ethics that they have created from all the things that influence them In their lives. This is usually a set of guidelines that the individual uses when making decisions in real life. The influences that create these codes can come from many sources and as a person goes through life their own code of ethics might even evolve or change into something different than what they once thought to be appropriate. The thing that makes all codes of ethics the same is that they share similar obligations that can contain their beliefs according to what category it falls under. These three main obligations are to society, individuals, and yourself. Using these three obligations a personal code of ethics can be formed. When it comes to society, I believe that people should follow the idea of Utilitarianism. In which it is right to do something as long as it benefits the grater good. So If someone was dying and needed medicine, but across town you could save 5 lives with the same meds the needs of the 5 are more important. This goes along with the famous saying of the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. However most people these days don't see it that way. Its all about personal gain and what benefits them the most. Its kinda sad because I believe,as a society the greatest way to improve the overall positive nature of the society is to benefit as many members of that society no matter what status they may be. The obligations that I believe we should have to individual is that everyone should be treated as equal whether rich, poor, black, white, green. I also think that all individuals have the right to live and express their own opinion, even if those opinions might differ from what I believe. I also think that every individual should have the right to feel safe, for an example they have the right to live in a place that is both emotionally and physically stable. I personally hold myself to a utilitarianism mind frame similar to that of my views on the ideal society. I feel that I am obliged to help the most amount of people that I can. There are also times however , I may not always follow my own obligations for one reason or another. Whether or not this means that my own view is incorrect doesn’t really matter because, I believe my view to be truth regardless of what others say.

Day 12-Cold

There are two types of cold, physical and emotional. The physical cold bites on the surface and slowly makes it way through the layers of clothing. It makes you wish for warmth it sends a chill through you and makes you realize how frail as humans we can be. Despite all that I dont really mind the physical cold. Its the emotional cold that I think everyone has a harder time with. Its because its totally different, it starts from within oneself. Slowly it grows reaching out until it consume the very essence of who you used to be. It is almost always caused by another, sometimes we create the cold in others hearts too. Unlike the physical cold there isnt much to do to help warm up, you just have to freeze. However, even though both types of cold are different they do share one thing in common they go away with the passage of time. The physical with a new season, the emotional takes considerably longer but it does pass. Thats the good thing that even though there is cold you will always feel the warmth again someday.

update!

So 11 days im pretty proud of myself however my short story a day thing is gonna change.I still plan on doing something everyday, or at least trying to. Ive been pretty busy lately and I just feel like some of the stories are feeling forced,and I don't really feel like some of the stories got the attention that they needed. That and I really miss writing poetry too so its kinda going from a story a day to a writing a day! In no way do I see this as a failure it was an insane task to begin with and getting 11 days aint half bad. Anyways hopefully you will stick around and keep reading.

Day 11-The Short Green Elf

There once was a goblin named Burgress. He was different than all the other goblins, not strong enough to be a warrior and not smart enough to be an engineer. The other goblins all tried to find a place for Burgress but he only had one passion and that was music. Of course goblins in general don't waste their time with such frivolous activities, and so he was looked down upon by all the other goblins. Burgress didnt mind so much he would often go off by himself into the forest that was above the caves and play his lute. He would play for hours on end and none of the forest animals would ever tell him to stop, unlike his goblin family. It was during one of these adventures to the forest above when he came across a beautiful elf. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, he had always been warned about elves and their hate for the goblins. He kept his distance not wanting to be discovered, yet deep inside he was intrigued and curious about this elf cloaked in the whitest white. He followed her for a good while staying far enough back so that he could avoid the sharp senses of the forest people. She headed to a clearing in the forest, and sat upon a rock there. She rested for a few moments then took a strange looking item from her pack. It wasnt very large but it had five or six strings on a small frame. At first Burgress thought it might be a weapon, then she sat it on her lap and began to play. It was an instrument of somekind, one that burgress had never seen nor heard before. The music she played resonated through the forest and was the most wonderful thing Burgress had ever heard. He couldnt help himself he pulled out his lute and began to play along. They played together in perfect harmony creating a beautiful yet complex piece of music. Once they reached the end of the song the elf called out "who is the one who plays the lute so well". Burgress almost turned and fled right there but something compelled him and he stepped ouf of the bushes and into the clearing. The elf was speechless, she said nothing she just sat there staring at him. Then she smiled. "In all my years I never would have thought a goblin could play the lute so well, you should come with me and meet the rest of my people they must hear you play!" Burgress was hesitant after all he was always taught not to trust elves, but for some reason he trusted her. He agreed and the headed back to elven city. As he walked through the middle of the city he got stares and comments from many of the elves there, he followed the elf from the forest to middle of the city she took out her harp and started playing. Burgress started playing as well, as soon as the other elves heard him playing his lute they were astonished. Never before had they heard something so pure and so complex. They accepted Burgress as one of their own. Finally he was happy he was accepted for his gift. That day he realized, that maybe he wasn't a goblin maybe he was just a short green elf.

Day 10-Santos Paulo

A mysterious stranger rides up to the small dusty town of Santos Paulo. He spits a wad of tobacco out over his yellow stained teeth and out unto the ground. His face weathered and darkened by many days spent riding in the ever present desert sun. He rides slowly through the almost deserted town making his way past the saloon and general store to the far side of town. Riding methodically with a misson toward the small one room church that sits at the edge of town. As he reaches the front of the church he dismounts with a cloud of dust he secures his rifle to the saddle of his horse and then slowy makes his way up the old steps. He doesn't knock he just enters the empty church. Walking towards the front of the church he notices the empty pews and looks up towards the front of the church. Off to the left is a small confessional as soon as he spots it he makes way towards it, opening the door with a creak and slipping into the darkness within. " Forgive me father for I have sinned, It has been thirty two years since my last confession." he says over his chapped and sun burnt lips. There is a wiry voice that replies, " This is niether the place or the time, how dare you come into a house of worship if you think". Before he can finish he is interrupted by the stranger, " Listen padre this is the one place I dont wanna be, but desperate times call for desperate measures." "So what do you say old man? Do I have to get messy and put a .38 through your old head?" There is no answer for a few seconds, finally the old man responds. "meet me at the bluff at midnight we can talk safely there." "This better not be an ambush father or youll be seeing you god alot sooner than you thought." The stranger responds as he stands up and makes his way out of the dark confessional. He walks back down the aisle of the old church past all the empty pews once more and opens the big wooden door. He steps outside into the bright sun and squints as his eyes readjust the brightness. He grumbles to himself as he makes his way down the old wooden stairs. "Damn I need a stiff drink."

day 9-the house

I stood at the end of the street looking down at the broken asphalt. I walked past empty houses, covered with faded paint and boarded up windows. All them broken and leaning towards one way or the other. I looked up as thunder roared up above from the charcoal colored sky. I continued walking towards the house at the end of the block. It used to be yellow at one point but now most of the paint had worn off showing the grey aged and cracked wood beneath. The house was two stories with a balcony on the second floor that over looked the front door. All the windows were boarded up just like all the houses surrounding it. I double checked the address that was spray painted on the curb. This was the place. I made my way up the cracked and weed strewn walkway. The steps creaked and groaned as I made my way up onto the porch. The door was huge and made out of solid wood, the door matched the rest of the house faded with most of the paint missing altogether. I knocked three times just like the note said, half expecting no response. There was a creak and the door was opened on the other side stood an old man. His featured weathered and beaten by the passing of time. He was mostly bald except for two small patches of grey above each ear. He had a long grey beard, and a pair of wiry glasses that sat on the edge of his rather large nose. He said nothing, he just looked at me and steeped aside gesturing me to enter his house. I was hesitant at first the note said nothing about another party and I was starting to have my doubts of the genuine nature of such a note. I entered the house and was surprised to find that the inside was a total opposite of the outside. The entry way was well lit and very clean, you could tell that the inside of the house had been taken very good care of. The old man lead me down the hallways past pictures of some woman, I guessed most likely his wife but in reality it could have been anyone. The end of the hall opened up into a rather large sitting room. He asked me to take a seat and I did in a large red armchair that faced another chair directly across from it. The man took the other chair and sat down.He handed me an old wooden box it was rather small. I could almost sense the amount of power that was contained inside. I reached for the clasp and slowly opened the lid on the box inside was the key. The key that I had consumed over 34 years of my life it was mine now. All that was left was to use the key on the artifact and the old ones would give me my reward. I stood up from chair and walked out the door never to see that house again.

Day 8- The mystery of colin yorkshire part 1

so this one actually isnt finished Ive been working on later parts but here is part one so enjoy! Thanks to a few friends for a few of the names, for the vamps! I should have part two up when its finished. And as usual the punctuation is atrocious so I apologize in advance.



Everything you think you know about the world is wrong. There is so much going on but your just not looking hard enough. Vampires are real. I know what your thinking, but whether or not this is just the musing of a crazy lunatic or The true story of a man who made his life among them for weeks is up to you. There are things that no human has ever seen this account is my story of the year that I met Colin yorkshire, but im getting ahead of myself. This story like all stories has a beginning. It all started in the fall of 1926. Me being the only son of a wealthy lawyer, was naturally expected to go to a place of higher learning. Things were so different then. I was content to follow my fathers wishes to learn the law and follow in his footsteps, just as he did before me. So I was sent to the university of Minnesota, a place that would change the way I saw the world forever. I can remember that it was unseasonably cold that year for fall, and most of the tress had lost most of their leaves. I was reasonably excited to make new acquaintances and to further my education.Little did I know just how much I would learn. An unknown number of weeks passed before I met "him". I say unknown because for strange reason I cannot recall the events before that as clearly as the events that followed. Ill tell what I do remember. It was evening I had just finished eating dinner and was hastily making my way back to campus which happened to be a small stroll from the small bar were I spent most of my evenings. The campus was relatively small and I was walking towards Bennett hall,thats when I saw them across the courtyard. There were three of them, two men and one woman. They seemed to carry themselves with a grace that words cannot describe. The first man who walked hand in hand with the woman was probably no older than twenty three years of age. He was tall but not too tall and carried himself well. His hair was cut to medium length and was pitch black...darker than any other hair I have ever set my eyes upon since. His face showed a wisdom beyond his age that I did not understand yet. Then I saw his eyes. At first I caught a glimpse of green then yellow then red. His stare caught mine and it was as if he could see into the very essence of my soul. A tempest of emotions all rose at once from that simple glance. I was foolish then. If I knew what I know now I would have fled from those eyes and the university of Minnesota forever.But I did not. I stared back into the abyss, until he looked away. Next to meet my gaze was the young woman with which it seemed the black haired man was in a relationship with. She was much shorter than her two companions and had hair that was a fiery red. She looked a bit younger than the first man, she couldn't be much older than twenty. Her face in contrast to the mans was one of absolute compassion. She reminded me of my sister. She was wearing a green dress one that complimented the dark grey suit of her lover and that made her hair look even more like a dancing flame. She was beautiful, in all my years I have never seen a woman that looked as breathtaking as she did that first night in that frigid autumn air. The third man that walked along with the other two was a giant of a man.He was clean shaven and had a bald head. A long scar marred the left side of his face from just below his eye to the end of his jaw. He stood almost two feet taller than the first man and was dressed in a similar suit, except it was a dark blue almost in contrast with the gray of his companion. The suit seemed to barely fit the behemoth of a man and clung tight in some places. He carried himself in a predatory fashion. I could hardly look the last man in the eyes and when I did for a brief second all I felt was rage, hate and fear. Till the day that I die I shall carry the feelings that the third man shared just from one look with me. No words were exchanged that night. Nothing needed to be said. They continued upon their way and me upon mine. I thought that was that. Little did I realize how wrong I really was. I made my way into Bennett hall, the building was huge and housed a number of small dorms along with various classrooms and lecture halls. My small room was on the third floor and required me to head up the main stairs that seemed to take up most of the entry room that I was in. I headed up the old stairs, they creaked and groaned as I walked upon them. All the while the vision of the almost ghostly trio danced within my head. They were extraordinary and normal , all at the same time. I reached the third floor and quickly made my way to my room, the second door on the right. The room was small and sparsely furnished. There was a small bed on the left and a small desk wedged on the right side of the room. On the far side of the room was a small window with witch I could see down into the courtyard. I cant recall falling asleep but I remember the nightmare I had that night. I dreamt of the three of them, The dark haired man, the beautiful girl and the giant. The three of them stood at the head of a large banquet table. There were many others gathered around the long table that stretched from one end of the hall to the other. However hard I tried I could not make out the faces of the other guests. Then he spoke. The raven haired young man in a voice as soft as velvet and yet with an authority that I have not heard since. He said only four words that night "let the feast begin". After that moment my gaze fell upon what they were eating. Upon the table lay humans. Young strong and full of life and yet laying there as if in an eternal sleep. The party guests threw themselves upon these poor souls, All but the boy with black hair participated. He just stood there watching with a blank look on his face as his two companions acted as the leaders in a bloody cacophony of destruction. There are not words to describe the carnage I saw in that nightmare that night, I awoke in a sweat and found myself catching my breath. In all my years I have never had a nightmare the way those images affected me that night. At that moment I looked out my small window that looked out into the courtyard below, and standing there in the cold with the wind blowing all around him was the raven haired man he looked directly at me, I turned away from his gaze for but a moment when I looked back he was gone. At the time I played it off as my mind being over imaginative and told myself that maybe it was just dinner disagreeing with me and giving me this strange nightmare. I laid back down on my bed and fell asleep.

Day 7-hello my name is hellsmouth

The way we are perceived by others is usually the most deceptive. I learned this lesson first hand the summer of 1988. It was june 20 when I first met steve and little did I know, how my life would be changed forever. The day started out normal enough, a little nintendo some lunch, and then some light reading, comic books of course. It couldn't have been longer than twenty minutes until I heard a strange noise coming from the area that bordered our house. I decided that I should go take a look. I made my way to the tree line, thats when I saw the building. It was a single story house that looked pretty much like every other house ive ever seen. It had been there for as long as I could remember, in fact it still stands today although no one lives in it now. Too bad really I could use some nice neighbors. Anyways, I made my way up to the fence as slowly as possible, being careful not to draw any extra attention to myself, and noticed a small boy not much younger than myself. He was laying in a hammock reading a book. I leaped over the fence and put on a nice smile, well as nice as I could imagine. The boy hopped up from his reading spot, surprised to see me. Of course most people are when they first meet me. Being eight feet tall and covered head to toe with purple fur tends to do that, not to mention the two yellow horns protruding from the top of my forehead. The boy didn't scream in fact he was quite friendly. I of course, made sure to use my best manners in order not to frighten him. He then invited me into his house for a snack, naturally this was his mistake. Hearing the word snack I walked over to the boy and ate him, I am a monster after all. So the moral is if you meet me, hellsmouth the big purple monster, dont be fooled. I may look nice and cuddly on the outside, but I do so enjoy eating people.

Day 6- Monsters with ascots

Living forever is great. I mean sure there are a few setbacks, but I guess that goes with pretty much anything. There is always a price, a price to pay whether we like it or not. I have gone by many names in my time, each one fabricated, made up, and used to help pass along the never ending lie of me being human. If you haven't guessed by now, I am a child of the night, a blood sucking, coffin sleeping, honest to god vampire. So here is the deal. Im telling my side of things after so many years of people taking their own creative liberties with my biology, not alot of people really know what a vampire is, or what they can do. Its frustrating, I mean back in my day we were hated and hunted, seen as killers and monsters. Now days we're seen as sparkly emotional guys who fall for the normal girl. Its amazing what it does to your ego to know that people don't fear you anymore, thats why I'm here to set the record straight, and maybe put the fear back into some of you mouth breathing flesh bags.

First off being a vampire kicks ass, you live forever, you're both strong and fast, and you can pull off fashion that other people would just look terrible in. Such as the ascot. Who in the last thirty or so years has successfully pulled off wearing an ascot? I can think of maybe one or two people, and thats counting that guy from scooby doo. Of course its not all about fashion sense and awesome parties. As a vampire, you get to be the top of the food chain, and to be honest humans are delicious, well their blood is anyways. There is nothing quite like happening upon an innocent helpless person in a dark ally and draining them dry. It makes my heart sing, and even on those days when im feeling down and not so happy, its amazing what killing a few of you worthless sniveling worms does to raise my spirits. We were designed as killing machines, and to tell you the truth we excel at it. It is in our blood so to speak. The night is our playground. Enhanced speed, agility, and night vision help us track you down. In other words, you can try to run but we will catch you, and you will be our dinner. Like all creatures, however, we have our limitations. We are still forced to take cover from the sun. If I were to walk through a dewy meadow shirt less, I would glow for a second until all my skin was lit on fire, and everything I am rendered into ash. There are of course other ways to kill a vampire but telling you those would defeat my whole purpose for writing this. Basically what Im telling you is this, we are dangerous and we do exist.

So tonight when your walking home alone, be careful because that strange guy you see sitting at the bus stop just might be a friend of mine. He will most likely play with you, let you think that you got away and that's when he will attack. It wont be neat like on tv. It will be messy. He will tear your throat out, and drink your blood, then he will leave you there to die. Someone will find your body, and there will be a blurb on the news about someone who got their throat slashed by a mugger.Your friends and family will miss you, and they will all mourn your death. They'll go on with their lives, and me and my friends will go on with ours. It is our place above you and your nothing but blind cattle. You cant fathom living forever, nor can you even understand what its like to be one of us. So give us the respect we deserve, fear us don't love for we are not your friends we are monsters. Monsters who look good even wearing ascots.

Day 5- Monday

Thomas awoke in sweat and looked at his clock. Crap he thought to himself he couldn't be late again his boss was sure to let him have it this time. It really wasn't his fault that this would be his fifth day in a row of being late, but lately sleep was something that Thomas hadn't been getting much of. He rolled over and slowly sat up and swung his feet unto the puke yellow carpeting that made up the floor of his room. The entire room was sparse. The entirety of the room contained his small twin bed a small night table with and alarm clock and a bookcase that had seen better days. The walls were covered in a brown paisley pattern most likely installed with the horrendous carpet. He didn't even know why he was still working at the local pizza palace. His manager was a dick. His pay was a joke, and the other delivery drivers where either too stupid or to stoned to ever hold an intelligent conversation. They might not have spoke with grunts but as far as Thomas was concerned they were cavemen. Then again there was one plus side to working there. and that was Alice. Alice had been Thomas' neighbor since he was eight years old. They had been best friends since then. As soon as he thought of her old memories came bubbling to the surface of his mind. The time they had gotten caught putting fireworks in old man Dimbles trash can, and all the summer nights they had spent just talking about what grand schemes that the future held for them, where the ones most poignant in his thoughts. What a future he thought to himself as he remembered what time it was...

He stood up and stretched and went over to his closet pulled out a pair of black dress pants, not the nice kind. No these were the standard issue itchy as all hell cheap work pants. He sighed as he grabbed the red polo shirt with the bright yellow pizza palace logo on it that looked about as attractive as wearing a trash bag with holes cut in it. He dressed quickly and left his room closing the door behind him. Thomas' house was a small two story dwelling that looked like it was stuck in the 70s. Him and his mom had lived there for as long as he could remember. He lumbered slowly down the carpeted stairs the same long fibers as in his room only a slightly more attractive shade of green. At the bottom of the stairs he walked past the front door and into the living room. It was a small room with the same carpet as the stairs. The walls were painted white and on them hung a few family pictures of Thomas and his mom. There was a large picture window on one side of the room draped with tan curtains that where pulled back so that the morning sun was shining through. In front of the window was an old grey couch that was surprisingly comfortable despite its age.A beast of a coffee table sat just in front of the couch. It was solid oak and irregularly big for a coffee table. Thomas couldn't count the times he had tripped or stubbed his toes because of that monstrosity. On the table lay they remote for the small tv they had his laptop that he had left downstairs last night and a small piece of paper with some writing on it. Thomas picked up the note and read it. " im off to work have a good day honey love ya mom" . The standard note Thomas thought to himself and headed to the kitchen for a cup of coffee and maybe something to eat.

The kitchen matched The decor of the rest of the house yellow cabinets hung on two walls. Underneath one set of cabinets set a small sink with dishes still sitting in it. Directly across from the sink sat the stove, and a small three to four foot floor cabinet that the microwave was sitting on. He opened up the cabinet above the sink and got a clean mug out and shuffled over to the right where on the counter the coffee maker sat. Good there was still some left he wouldn't have to wait to make some more. He poured the black liquid into the mug that he was hold which had one of those terrible messages that are supposed to cheer you up much like those hang in there kitten posters. Thomas paid no attention to it as he took a big gulp of the dark stuff. It was ice cold. He didn't really care to be honest he still was on a constrained schedule anyways. He went back into the living room and plopped down on the couch he put on an old pair of socks that had been lying on the floor cause he was too lazy to go upstairs and get a new pair. He then slowly put on his black non descriptive industrial tennis shoes. They were almost as ugly as the shirt but then again they didn't have that bright yell icon that seemed to act as a beacon of depression for Thomas. He stood up grabbed hid army green messenger bag from the couch slipped his laptop into the bag and started heading for the door. He grabbed his keys that hung on a small hook on the right hand side of the door. His hand then slowly reached for the knob and tugged the door inwards as soon as the door opened he felt a strange sensation almost like someone was watching him he shirked it off as nothing and stepped outside. He closed the door behind him and locked it . Then walked across the yellow grass towards the garage.

It was September and summer was pretty much over the leaves where still on the trees and it was still warm but the cold was coming soon it was just looming around the corner waiting to sink its fangs into its favorite victim summer. The garage was painted grey and was only a single car garage. The door was broken and usually sat halfway down. Thomas tried on many occasions to close it all the way but even if he hung his entire weight from the handle the thing wouldn't budge. He pushed the door the other half of the way up and stepped into the old wooden garage. Along one side sat a table with all sorts of chemicals on it and next to that were some old tools that as far as Thomas knew had never been used at least not by the houses current owners. In the middle of the garage sat his old truck. It had seen better day thats for sure. He got it cheap when the old man down the street that owned it had died. What was left off the original body was a light grey color. The hood and driver side door were red. The left fender a sickly green that Thomas was surprised that anyone would even think of painting their vehicle that color. There were dents all over it and the windshield was had a small crack that Thomas was hoping wouldn't get any bigger. "Heya frank hows it goin" he said as he crossed to the driver side. Frank was short for Frankenstien being that the truck was a patchwork of parts just like Frankenstien's monster, minus the whole bolts in the neck thing. He hopped in the truck and slid the keys into the ignition and started it up. Frank bellowed and sputtered a bit then finally got somewhat stable at running. Thomas threw the radio on not so much to listen to anything but just to have some background noise that would make it so he wasn't all alone with just his thoughts, and slowly pulled out of the garage down the small driveway and out onto the street. He turned right and headed down his street.

He looked at the clock again it wasn't as late as he thought. He was still fifteen minutes late but maybe Daryl wouldn't be there yet. It wasn't likely though when it came to managers Daryl was about as kind and caring as Hitler. He was one of those people who was in charge and had to make sure that everyone knew it. He was always talking about how prestigious his job was and how he would never do work he wasn't proud of. Thomas saw it differently he was making pizza not writing new bills of advocating world peace. As far as Thomas was concerned there was nothing prestigious about making pizza or in his case delivering them. Thats the weird thing about being a delivery driver the mornings were always quiet and half the time there were no calls at all but Daryl still insisted that Thomas come to work but then again getting paid to do nothing wasn't that bad.

He pulled his truck into the old drive way and pulled into the same parking spot he had been parking in since the first day he had worked at the pizza palace. That was two years ago, two years since Alice had convinced him to apply if it hadn't been for her still working there he would quit he thought to himself. He turned frank off and got out no point putting off the verbal lashing that he would receive as soon as Daryl laid his eyes on him. He walked across the parking lot full of small weeds and towards the older building. It was originally a small Italian restaurant and it had a distinct look to it the building was fairly short with a pitched roof the outside was cover in cheap white vinyl siding that had seen better days. He walked up to the front door and opened it. The familiar bing bong that let the workers know when someone came in made Thomas cringe inside he knew what was coming and he wasn't looking forward to it. Daryl came storming through the small doors that separated the check out area from the kitchen. Monday had officially begun.

Day 4-Life is like BRAIIIINS...

Blam! My Remington 870 barked as I blew the head off of another zombie. Ten shells left. It wasn't looking good. Luckily for me I had made it to the shed in time, it wasn't an ideal location but I had been at it for three hours now. Taking my time only shooting when one of the bastards actually made it within my makeshift fort. I use the term fort loosely it was about as protected as a cardboard box in a hurricane, but my choices were fairly limited. The shed was tiny, probably the size of a small bathroom,with one window on the left hand side and two doors from which i sat directly across from. So far they hadn't managed to open the doors and the window had provided an advantageous choke point. However I remained and optimist I knew that the doors would only last so long. Thats the thing about when the dead rise, you can plan all you want to but things never go according to plan. Take for instance my current situation, I had not planned to be trapped in a small shed surrounded by twenty or so undead, but hey it had been a long weekend. Blam! another shot blew the top of the head of another zombie causing the limp body to fall on the window sill. I kicked its body out the window with my boot and shot another one in the face as he tried to move forward. Eight more. There were three of us just yesterday. We had been together for about a week and had actually made some progress working our way towards the outskirts of the city. We were out of gas and decided that it would be best to find a place to wait it out till the morning since the only thing worse than getting gas with a whole shit load of zombies trying to eat you is doing it at night. So we picked the safest house we could find. Bars on the windows, and only two doors. Blam! Blam! two more shots to the heads of two more unlucky zombies that put my shell count at Six. It wasn't looking good at all. If tom wouldn't have fallen asleep I might not be in the current situation. I had to shoot both him and his sister. It wasn't something I enjoyed doing but like I said earlier nothing ever goes according to plan. I had made it to the shed and shut the doors it wasn't the best move but it was all I had. Blam! Another dead zombie. Five shots left. One of the doors was starting to be torn from its hinges. I was screwed. I reloaded to my five shot maximum,stood up. Brought the shotgun tight to my shoulder, if i was gonna go out I was gonna take as many of the bastards with me as I could. An opening was made in the left door and they started to make there way in. I fired in rapid succession firing I took out four of them until the click of the empty gun. This was it these undead creatures where about to make me their bitch. I heard a sound like an engine getting close like a truck or something followed by a huge crash, someone had driven the front of a big black ford f150 halfway through the front of the shed. Crushing the remain zombies and making quite the entrance into the small shed. The driver threw it into reverse and pulled out of what was left of the shed. I ran for the door, and hopped in. She sped off. I caught my breath, and looked over at the person that had just saved my life. She was beautiful, she smiled, " those bastards almost had your ass she said", and that is how I met my wife. So remember, no matter how shitty life is its alot like a zombie outbreak. You can plan out your whole life but things never go according to plan, sometimes what you end up with is better than what you planned. Other times it feels like someone is eating you intestines. The only thing different between life and a zombie outbreak is that you can survive a zombie outbreak you cant survive life in the end it eats us all.

Day 3- The meeting

He shivers and pulls his coat tighter around himself. He wasn't even supposed to be here he thinks to himself as the rain continued to fall. Three years since he had last seen her. He wonders if she has changed at all. Three years is along time not to have any communication with someone. He had pretty much given up hope that he would ever talk to her again. After all they had been through the good times the fights, He still remembered what she said the last time he saw her. She told him she couldn't do it anymore that it hurt to much and that she had to go away for awhile. That hurt him alot. I mean sure he always tried to be there but its hard when you have to work multiple jobs just to make enough money to eat. Maybe that was an excuse he used because he didn't know how to truly talk to her. He thinks to himself if I could change the past I would, but deep inside he knows the truth. The phone call came as a complete surprise, hearing her voice again he could almost see her again. He remembers the summers they spent together, how he taught her how to shoot pool. How she used to smile at him and laugh at all of his jokes. He knows why she asked to meet here in the park they used to go to all the time when they were both younger. He hears footsteps and sees her walking towards him. Her beauty takes his breath away. She looks just like her mother. The woman that was now in front of him was once his beautiful baby girl. No words are shared at first just a hug. One that warms his heart. Makes his regrets weigh even heavier on his heart. She looks up smiles at him and says "Hey dad, I missed you" . Five little words that let him know that no matter what happens it will all be okay. Five little words that make the bad in the past seem to disappear.

Day 2-The Ivory Tree

I walked through the forest, a place that is like a second home to me. Its inhabitants more like family than the creatures they really are. I grew up in these woods my father and I walked them for hours a day and I was as familiar with them as I am with my own convictions. So It came to a surprise to me that day in late September when I came across a tree whose very nature seems to confound even me. It was a tree unlike any I have ever seen, it was surrounded by nothing but dirt one hundred feet in any direction the dirt made a perfect circle almost like a force that kept all living things but the tree outside of its confines. Its bark was whiter than the whitest ivory and when I touched it it was as smooth as glass. I also noticed that even though it was raining the tree and the dirt around it remained bone dry. It was as if the rain would fall down and just cease to exist before it struck the ground or the tree. Naturally the scientist within me took hold and I felt the need to investigate even further. I noticed the roots, unlike most trees this tree had roots that reached not only underground but also above ground. Like a network of veins or the strands in a spiders web.I took out my pocket knife to try to cut a piece of the tree off for further study when I returned home. As soon as the small blade touched the tree all I saw was blackness there was no feeling there was nothing but darkness. I awoke three days later with what the doctors called pneumonia, in a hospital bed. Apparently I was found by two hunters face down in the middle of a field, who took me back and pretty much saved my life. All I could think about was the tree I thought about it during my days and at night when I would try to sleep it was all I would see. I tried finding it again to maybe gain some more answers but all thats left is a field full of vegetation where just dirt was before. Maybe I have lost my mind or maybe I saw something that I wasn't supposed on that day. Who's to know what really happened all I know is that the memory of that tree is still with me. It still consumes most of my thoughts and is a constant visitor within my dreams. I see it and it calls to me but try as I might I can not nor will I ever find it again.

Henry Rollins- Day 1

My name is Henry Rollins I have been a police officer all my life. 56 years old and the force is already trying to get me to retire. Take that pension Henry they say go, live your life, spend time with your family. The thing is they don't get it. Being a cop is all I have. Sure I used to have more, but I lost it. When I was younger I had a wife Brenda she was my everything. I met her in high school, she was my first and only love. We got married we bought a nice little house on juniper street things were wonderful. I had just started working on the force then, I was a rookie but I enjoyed every second of it. Those days seem so far away now, most of the memories are fuzzy, there is one I remember as if it was yesterday. It was January 5th 1984, I was staying late at the station writing up a report on a recent cocaine bust that had happened earlier in the day. That is when the phone rang I picked up and Brenda was on the other end. She had news she was pregnant. I was ecstatic, I was gonna be a dad. Two months later we found we were having twins, naturally this was fantastic news. The nine months passed so quickly when I look back on them, it wasn't long until I was holding my twin boys in the hospital with the biggest grin on my face. We named them Samuel and Thomas, one after my father the other after Brenda's late brother. Those times were the best in my life I had a family two boys who I loved and a wife that was everything to me. The years flew by, I still remember small pieces, birthdays, Christmas, afternoons in the park with the boys. Sadly all the good memories seemed to be offset by the bad. I had been promoted to detective and was working more hours than ever before. Brenda and me used to fight about it, she said I was working to much and that I should spend more time with the boys. I tried my best but we needed the money and I did what I had to do. It was September 23 1999, I was working late again. I knew that Brenda would not be happy when I got home but a new lead had just shown up and I had to make sure my ducks were in a row for tomorrow. Again the phone rang, I picked it up. On the other line was an unfamiliar voice, It was a doctor notifying me that my wife had been killed in a car accident, she had been going to pick up some ice cream from the store. My life fell apart at that moment, the one person who made me see the good in the world was gone. I wish I could say that I was there for the boys but I wasn't I just threw myself into my work even more. Naturally the boys took the lost of their mother hard, especially Samuel his grades declined and he fell in with a bad crowd. I wish I could go back and be a better dad. I wish I could go back and tell my wife to stay home that night but I cant. Someone comes up to me and tells me that I have five minutes. Five minutes seems like an eternity. Working so hard all the time took its toll on the boys especially after there mother died. December 14 2004 I get another call this time its my boy Samuel he took his own life with prescription meds. His brother was the one to find him. Samuel blamed me said that he was sorry but he couldn't live with the pain anymore. It hit me like a brick and the I did the only thing I could do to cope and that was to work even harder. My other son Thomas, despite all he had been through found his place as an artist and moved from our home in Chicago out to Seattle.I tried to keep in touch but eventually he just stopped writing. Hes married now..I think he even has a few kids, I guess that makes me a grandpa. They tell me my time is up now. I enter the room full of people applauding and yet I hardly know anyone here they are all strangers to me. I make my way to the podium the banner behind me that states in big white bold letters congratulations Henry almost seems to mock me. I give my speech, say words that I don't really mean about the force, about how serving has been everything to me. My replacement hands me a gold watch and shakes my hand. I realize in this moment that the only thing that I have now is this cheap watch a lifetime of regrets. I don't stay for the rest of the speakers instead I just leave out the doors I came in. no one follows after me I get into my car and head back to the dark cold house on juniper street. I park in the driveways go inside and sit on the couch in the darkness with only my thoughts as company. I sit there alone. My name is Henry Rollins and I used to be a police officer.

so its been a few days...

So I finally think i finished this one ive been working on it for awhile now...Its inspired by alot of people in my life..I think it came out pretty good so without further adieu here it is enjoy, and let me know what you think. Ive still got a few more that need some minor tweaks here and there but I should have them up sometime this week....maybe...

under a shadow

anger, pain, suffering, anguish
that's all some see
no hope no future
This world so broken
so many questions
no answers
people hating
people killing
the world in a shadow of darkness
A darkness we are all born into
it brings you down
it tears you apart
it breaks you
Until the pain is all you have
some give up
give in to the darkness
others stand alone in the dark
they stumble they fall
they get back up
they move on
in darkness
dreaming of warmth
and the light they once knew
They inspire
give me hope
anger, pain, suffering, anguish
that's all some see
but they show me something else
compassion, friendship, loyalty, bravery, love
they give hope
they give future
as long as there are those who stand in darkness
there is always hope
hope that the world doesn't
have to live
under a shadow

Hey there welcome to my little corner of this huge thing they call the interwebs...so anyways saying that things have been strange for me is like the understatement of the year..yeah I know a short year so far, but hey Im still trying to remain optimistic...which is something different for me. So far its been hit or miss but I have found myself being alot more agressive overall with my life and just going for it so thats good. Anyways enough blah blah blahing...So yeah Ive been working on a short story for awhile now and today I had the pleasure of trying to get over my stupid writers block. It didnt work...which kinda sucks. I mean I guess i am only writing this so that In some small way I might uncork the bottle and let the mind juices flow...I really want to finish it and get it on here so maybe I can get some feed back its almost halfway done so if i buckle down I might have it done this week sometime or at least thats the hope...in all honesty it probably wont get done this week I have a few more ideas for poems kicking around up there too its just a matter of getting them down and making them understandble thats the hard part..anyways i guess im giving up for tonight the creativity just isnt there and I cant force it so have a good one watch out for rogue zombies! love peace and chicken grease!

fantasy book recommendation!

So yeah this is my new blog no on will read this anyways...Basically I can say whatever I want because no one will read it! so onto the content...what content you may ask? well tonight ladies and gentlemen you are in for a treat because I have a tale so epic that after you hear it you may ask wow chris did that really happen your a badass...can I have your autograph? And of course ill give you one but ill act like its a big deal when in reality its not. So anyways the story begins two days ago that's right another normal December day, or so I thought. I woke up rather chipper around noonish or so I cant remember the details but they aren't really important. The important thing is what happened. S0 anyways I decide that I'm gonna go to the store, and loiter around a bit. I mean that's what I do don't judge me. Its actually more fun than it sounds. So this store I wont name any names but the name rythmes with farms and global. So yeah figure that out for a second. Ok we good? Lets continue so anyways I'm wandering in my usual section, and There is this guy there. I know not very exciting hes just a guy, but he starts talking to me asking me is this a good book he held up some random fantasy book. Now here's what bothers me I told him it was good when I had no clue, it was like before I knew what was happening I had already told him. So anyways If there is a guy out there who's like...That bitch said it was good, but its terrible. Id just like to tell him you should like because I said it was good even If I didn't know what I was talking about. Sorry but I am that cool! Oh and I am not a bitch sir!